Sometimes life seems so difficult. The more we live, the more problems we see. Family problems. Personal problems. Friendship problems. Bills are due, and money is nowhere to be found. When we need people the most, they are holding out their hands needing us—the cycle continues daily. Yet, we wake up each morning determined to do it all over again. Something within us makes us get up when we are woken up. We start our daily routine. We smile when nothing is funny. We save our tears for the private moments when no one is looking. We think to ourselves that something has to get better. I was one of those living each day hiding behind a façade. No one knew the pain I felt, or saw the tears I cried. That did not lessen the impact of those secret moments where tears flowed, and my heart broke into pieces. Yet, even with those hidden moments, I learned to go about my day encouraging others. In those moments I learned a great lesson. Most of the time my tears were shed as I lay down at night, but when I woke up the sun was shining. None of my circumstances were different. Things were exactly the way they had been when I fell asleep-but the sun was shining. In those dark moments I learned what it meant to cry myself to sleep, but to wake up with an assurance that things would be much better when the sun arose. Nothing was miraculously better, but I was better simply because I woke up to another day. In a natural sense, it is the darkest outside right before the sun begins to rise. If it is dark in your life right now, know that the sun is poised on the brink of the sky waiting for its time to shine in your life. The sun can penetrate even the deepest darkness. There is no crevice that it cannot find, and no shadow that the sun cannot overcome. Even if life seems dark right now, know that this moment is temporary. I am reminded constantly that weeping may last for a night, but joy comes in the morning. So look forward to your moment in the sunshine. It’s right around the corner. Be encouraged.
Get Your Blockers On
In horse racing, it is not uncommon to see a horse with blinders on. As the horse is racing, blinders keep the horse from seeing what is beside them and what is behind them. The blinders help the horse to focus on the finish line ahead. Without the blinders the horse could get easily distracted by the crowd, or by the other horses around him. With the blinders, the horse is insulated from distractions and can focus on what is ahead. The blinders that the horses wear are a good example of how we should be. All too often we get distracted by those around us in the crowd. We allow them to throw us off track with their opinions. We get caught up in trying to win others to our “side” or trying to gain acceptance and admiration. In the same light, we also get distracted by those running the same race as we are. On one side we have someone talking in our ears telling us that we will never win the race. On the other side we have someone who is trying to make us stay back with them. Either way, there are too many distractions and too much temptation to stop the race and go back the way we have already come. I found myself doing some self-evaluation this weekend, and I realized that the times when I have been most distracted were the times that I was seeking others approval. I wanted to be accepted, and I allowed the hurt of not being accepted to get me off track. I learned that nothing and no one should ever distract me from my goal. All that I do is for a purpose beyond me, but I almost allowed outside distractions to stop me from crossing the finish line. In our lives we will have people come and go. Some will like us while others will not. Some will shower us with attention while others may ignore us…and it’s all ok. Our lives should not be based on others, and if there is a goal we need to reach we should try with everything in us to reach it. In the words of some friends of mine from the Gospel Rap Group Duo TnT, “Got my blockers on; I don’t even see you; When I’m in my zone, all that dramas in my rearview…” It is crucial that we get our blinders or “blockers” on and reach for our goal-whether it is with a crowd of supporters, or standing alone.
It’s Your Birthday
This post will not be long, but I figured it has been a while since I have written, so here I am writing again. I still say that I am in a place of intense transition. It has not been easy, but it has all been necessary. I have had some exciting things happen to me in the past couple weeks, and I have begun to see the things to come in my life. It is almost like I am a mother pregnant with a baby, and it has come time to push. I am excited, but I also know that I have to get through the hard work ahead to produce that which has been growing within me the entire time. Sometimes there are complications, and just when you think the pushing time is over, the doctor says push again. I hear all around me the words of encouragement, and the prodding of the “doctor”, and I think of that which I am pushing out. These things keep me motivated. This push is not just about me. In the same token, whatever it is that is within you that needs to be birthed out, please keep pushing. Even when complications arise, and it seems that you will be in labor forever, know that you will forget all about the pain when you hold what you have birthed out in your arms. The outcome is well worth the process, so keep pushing. You have almost delivered.
Lost Focus
Yesterday was a transition for me from what I had been to what I am supposed to be. I was reminded yesterday that somewhere along the way I’d lost focus. I was still moving forward, at least that is what I thought, but I ran into reality yesterday when I found myself reflected in someone else’s words. So often I have told myself and others to keep moving forward, and on a superficial level I had been doing just that. Somehow though, I had allowed a small part of me to remain in the past. This small part was the part that was keeping me from truly being free of the past. So yesterday, as I listened to the words infiltrate every crevice of my being, I felt within me a release. At that point I knew I was truly free. Some part of me had held on so tight not wanting to let go. In that piece there was validation for me to have “low” days. There was validation for me to not be all that I am supposed to be. There was a sense of righteousness in being able to hold on to my guilt so that it lent me a false sense of humility. I did not realize that who I am is because of that piece of me, but that piece of me does not dictate all that I will be. Because I was so focused on keeping that piece alive, I lost focus on the things that truly matter. Every time I prepared to step out in the unfamiliar, part of me wanted to retract due to me not allowing myself to be free. I lost focus on what mattered, and was focused on the inconsequential. Yesterday was my reminder that I have too much to do to be focused on what was, because focusing on what was stops me from being what I am supposed to be. While I was moving forward it was at a slower pace due to that piece of the past that I held on so passionately to. When I released it I knew within me that I would never be the same. So after the bruising words I encouraged myself, and I realized that I hadn’t released what was because I had to get to a point where I really wanted to let it go. That way it would really be gone, and I wouldn’t keep trying to conjure it up after I let it go. In this same way I encourage each of you to recognize the pieces in you that need to be released. Recognize what is holding you back from your greatest potential. Understand that what you’ve gone through does build you even while it hurts you, but it does not have to hold you back and interrupt your potential. Refocus your attention on what you need to so that you can continue to move forward. In this moving forward, even try to forget the memory of what may have happened. That’s easier said than done, but it can be likened to locking up the experience and hiding the key. At some point, once you’ve stopped returning every so often to open up the locked box, you’ll probably even forget where you left the key…and that’s ok. Sometimes the only thing stopping you is yourself. Refocus.
Matters of the Heart
Sometimes we let our heart get us in trouble. We allow our heart to rule over our mind, which sometimes causes us to make decisions that we would not otherwise make if we thought through the decisions first. I’m guilty of doing this. My heart is so big, and I want to love so much, that sometimes the consequences of me putting my heart into something only hit me after I’ve gotten too far in to back out. Then when I’ve come to a crossroads where I know I need to turn away, it hurts because I should have made that decision in the first place. What would happen if I decided, at the moment of decision, to go with my mind rather than my heart? Maybe things would be different. Now, by no means am I saying that we should never listen to our heart, but we have to know when to think logically. There are times when thinking logically can save a lot of trouble in the future. There are some, and I am one of them, who want so much to be there for people, and who feel some element of validation when people want you to be there for them; however, there has to be a balance because getting too involved with someone else’s things leaves one open and vulnerable-which can lead to voids –which can then lead to us seeking to fill those voids in ways that are not good for anyone involved. Sometimes we fail to realize that our heart is more than just muscle. Our heart circulates the blood in our bodies. It beats to tell us we are alive. Because the heart has all of these vital functions, it makes sense to guard the heart. In the same sense, our heart figuratively bleeds when we hurt. Why is it then that we allow anything and everything to contaminate the way our heart beats, and to interrupt the flow of its important functions? Admittedly, it’s easy to get “caught up” and be led by one’s heart, but we have to know the consequences of doing so, and decide if it is worth it to get “caught up”. I know that I will never stop making some decisions based on my heart, because that is what makes me who I am; however, I will be vigilant in deciding when a logical decision needs to be made because I understand the importance of keeping my heart clear and free of clutter. Take care of your heart.
Spring Cleaning
It’s the first day of Spring, and it’s a gorgeous day! The sun is shining. The weather is warm. As I look around I see the flowers bursting in effusive color on the trees, and everything seems so much brighter. For some though, this first day of Spring is nothing more than a nuisance. It is a reminder of negative things that have occurred in the past. It is a time when the pollen count rises, and allergies run rampant. Even though the weather is warm, and color has taken over where before there was only gray and brown, not everyone is happy. Looking back a year ago, things were not so happy for me. I was still dealing with the residue of bad decisions made the year before. Things did not seem cheerful and happy. Instead each day seemed to blend into the next, and color did not register in my scope–all because of a bad decision. With this Spring coming up, it seems that the same negative emotions that I had passed through from last Spring tried to rise up and claim my attention again. Last Spring I saw the budding of beauty outside, but inside me it was a struggle to enjoy the beauty. As this Spring came about, I sensed a new excitement in me that I never had before. I almost looked forward to the time when Spring would inhabit the earth with its colors and sounds, and on the outside things were cheerful and bright. I knew that it would soon be time to clean my house, and get things in order. That’s what Spring is for. I took it a little further though, and I determined that as I cleaned up everything around me I would also clean up everything in me. That meant that the residue from past decisions needed to be completely cleansed. Any lingering thoughts or emotions that threatened to take me back to a low state had to be vanquished completely. Last night, on the brink of another Spring, I made up my mind that with this Spring cleaning I would spring forward–I would release myself from things that I held myself prisoner in. I would unlock my own chains, and sweep out the dirt until my insides gleamed like pure gold. That was last night. Today I stand a new person-a better person. What better way to start off my spring cleaning than to first start within myself? This transparency was just to encourage someone to start over new today. Get rid of old things that no longer matter. Release yourself from negativity, and from people who only know part of your struggle but none of your pain. This is a good time for you to learn to live again. Start cleaning!
The Strength That Storms Built
It’s so easy to stress when we are being buffeted on every side by winds that threaten to tear down everything in our lives. Sometimes those winds do tear down some things, and we are left to pick up the pieces of broken dreams, and of broken ideals. Eventually though we rebuild and things begin to look as if nothing ever happened, until another harsh wind blows. Unfortunately, bad weather is a part of the earth, as are troubled times in our lives. The question is not whether things will happen, but it is instead what we do after the trouble. One thing I have had to realize is that trouble is sometimes necessary to produce something great in us. If we are allowed to be comfortable, and we do not experience anything that shakes up all that has settled in our lives, then no one benefits because all the great things in us cannot be seen. We can be likened to italian dressing. When the dressing is allowed to settle there is a distinction between the oil and the rest of the ingredients. To get the best taste it is advised that the dressing is shaken before using. Without being shaken first, the dressing may taste more like oil than anything else-not really a good taste. Without some things first being shaken out of our lives, we may not be as useful. We will have things that have settled in us that do not add to the special blend that makes us unique and necessary to the world. While they never feel good, storms build endurance. After each storm we learn to build up stronger in places that were easily knocked down. We fortify our foundations-discovering just who we are and what we are supposed to do. Our strength is built by discovering our weaknesses, and allowing the storms/struggles to build up our defenses making them stronger. When we see people who are seemingly strong and confident, it is usually because they have had to deal with tough times, pain, struggle, etc, to build their strength. If you are going through a tough time, know that it is because you are strong enough to handle it. You will be even stronger after it. So stand. Allow your strength to be built. The winds do not blow all the time. Eventually the sun will come out again.
Needs a Little Salt
The last few weeks have been ones of introspection for me…I’ve been thinking about my past–mistakes, triumphs, goals reached, etc. I thought about all the things that I wished I could do differently, but then I corrected myself and realized that there is nothing that I would change. If some things had not happened then I would not be who I am today. Every person who has ever walked away, every mistake I have ever made, and every goal I have ever reached have all molded me into the woman who stands strong now. Without those things, I believe I would be a completely different person. Thinking about that reminds me of the food we eat. Many of us cannot eat food without adding some seasoning to it. The most usual seasoning is salt. Without salt, many foods are bland and inedible. We do not appreciate the foods as much because they do not have a pleasant taste on our palates. I envision myself much like those foods. In my natural state I was good, but there was nothing extraordinary about me. I needed some things to make me more palatable. When things started to happen in my life, some things I wanted and many things that I would not have wanted to go through, these all added seasoning to my life. This is especially the case with the mistakes I made, and the lessons I had to learn because of those mistakes. My mess ups humbled me, and they took away my pride. Instead of arrogance, I learned confidence. Instead of judgment, I learned empathy. All of this occurred because I messed up. Because I became confident, empathetic, and humble instead of arrogant, judgmental, and prideful, this allowed people to be able to “digest” me more. My flavor was more in demand because the experiences added salt to my life. So when I look back on things now, I see that each experience was a different seasoning. I no longer stress when things go differently than I planned. I see each experience as a necessary one to my growth and development. The end result is this. Know that is ok when you experience things that were unplanned, or you make a mistake. Everything that happens in your life adds to your flavor, and in the end it’s all going to make you better. After all, we all need a little salt.
Valentine’s Day is Overrated
As I look around I am overwhelmed by all the red and pink balloons, flowers, candy, etc. It seems that everywhere I look there is something hinting towards Valentine’s. I could not escape the day if I wanted to. But why would I want to? I realize that Valentine’s has become extremely commercialized. People can go the rest of the year hating each other, but on that one day everyone wants to have someone to express their love to. It does not matter to some that their expression of love is temporary, and the next day they will be back to trying to fill the void that was never quite filled to begin with. There is some good to the day though. The entire point of Valentine’s is to express love to someone who is special in our lives. I enjoy expressing love, and I love to give. I am one who will indulge in the many gifts and bundles of candy available for Valentine’s simply because I love giving to someone else even if I get nothing in return. I realize the commercialism, but for me it is just another opportunity to give. Unlike some, I give throughout the year, so Valentine’s is just another day to give to the people I care the most about. I have heard it said already that some hate Valentine’s because it is depressing, or some hate Valentine’s because it is commercialized. Admittedly, Valentine’s has become a bit much; however, holidays and special occasions are what we make of them. We can spend our time being upset. We can disdain Valentine’s Day, or we can take the opportunity to show love, even if we are not in a relationship. I am really big on self-love, so Valentine’s is a great day to shower one’s self with love–pamper yourself. Take yourself out to dinner. These are things that even if I were single I would do because Valentine’s is about love, and love starts with me.
Life Games
Today was one of those days when I had a moment to do nothing, and I chose to use that moment playing a game of solitaire on my cell phone. I played a few games, then I came to one game that frustrated me. I could see that I was supposed to win that game, but I could not see how. Because I could not see how I could reach the end result of winning that particular game, I started to press the reset button to begin a new game. Right before I pressed the button for a new game, I saw the exact card I needed to help me win the game. It was funny to me that a solitaire game taught me a lesson about life. Life, while serious, can be equated to a game of solitaire in which you have to choose which card to play at a given time. Your choice of cards determines the outcome. Sometimes with solitaire you get stuck and then you have to start all over. Other times you think you’re stuck and then you find the exact card you need to win the game. Still, at other times, you may just need to step away from the game briefly to get a fresh perspective. Such is life. Sometimes we get stuck in a rut, and we have to start over. Other times we seem to find exactly what we need at the time we need it. Then there are those times when we are completely frustrated, and it does not seem like anything will ever work out in the end. In those times it helps to step away from the problem for a moment and come back to it in a new frame of mind. Unfortunately life is not as inconsequential as a game of solitaire, so in either of these situations we have to make sure we are making the right choice. What we decide in a moment can have repercussions for years. Know that it is possible though, when things are completely annoying, or we do not know which way to turn, to still win in the end. Instead of allowing our frustration to overshadow the solution that may be waiting when we take another look, we have to be able to take a breath. So while life is not a game, we can learn something from a simple game of solitaire. There may be many cards to play, and some hands you may lose, but in the end it is guaranteed that you will win at least one hand. Maybe you think that you have been dealt cards out of the wrong deck your entire life. Maybe it even seems that you cannot see a solution to your current problem. Know that in the end if you keep pushing then you will win.
