Lost. Yes, that’s the word. That feeling when you don’t really know how to describe where you are in this moment, and you are not sure of what the next moment holds. Lost. That one time when you wish you had all the answers, and it would be nice to be able to tell the future. Lost. Uncomfortable. Afraid, or not. Lost all the same. I’ve been there. I understand. Life happens, and it can throw you off-balance sometimes. You may find yourself questioning if you are on the right path, or if you are doing the right things. You may even wonder if you have done things that have messed up who you are supposed to be. Maybe you are not sure you made the right decisions. Maybe you are not confident that anyone will ever see the real you, and love you for that. Maybe. Regardless, lost is what you feel. I know the feeling well. I have doubted time and again whether I was meant to be Grace Waters, not just the name, but the embodiment of the name. Nothing around me, at times, seems to be conspiring to bring me to the place I see in my heart (yes, hopefully you understand). Instead, the opposite sometimes seems true. Life has been swirling around me as I stand still in the midst of it, trying to avoid upsetting the calm right in the midst of the storm. Yet, all I could do was stand there. I could not walk into the storm, lest I get swept away. I could not curl into a ball and try to forget that life was happening all around me, otherwise I would never grow. Instead, I learned to look up. In the eye of the tornado, in the midst of the calm, if you just look up through the funnel the sky is still there. It is calm. It is present. It is a place to focus. In times of uncertainty, when it is hard to know what to do, I look up. I pray. I trust that my life is not meant to be all storms and no rainbows. Some things I may never understand. Some people may never understand me. One thing I know to be true, is that I cannot stop being who I am in this moment, because this moment has purpose. This moment is designed to show me the strength of what is in me. This moment prepares me for what will be. Each moment is the introduction into the next, but it is what you do in this moment that makes the next matter. Remember that your now has purpose, as rough as it may be. Sometimes purpose hurts, but one thing it never does is leave you alone. Everything you need is already in you. Just remember to look up.
Many of us watched as President Obama spoke of his triumphs since being President. We watched as he confidently spoke of how effective he has been, and of his plans for the future. Whether we like him or not, it was undeniable that he was sure of the progress that has been made, and he was steadfast in his belief that things could only get better. Most people stop analyzing his address at that point because it is political, and it’s not supposed to have an effect on us personally. I realized I’m not most people. I took his address in, and came out with some revelations about myself. When January came in, I told myself I would not make any resolutions, because resolutions become so easy to break. Instead, my claim was that I would be happy, healthy, and prosperous in whatever form that took. Sounds good, right? Sure it does. However, there was one problem. My desire to be all of those things was based on me believing in others to help me be all of that. I thought that making peace with everyone, having people love what I do, and then having them be a part of it, would make me happy, healthy, and prosperous. Somehow, I came into a new year believing that if I did all I could to make people want to be around me, I would be happy. Not so. I have learned early on this year that people really can be fickle, including myself, so I cannot base who I am on anyone else. At some point, I had to face the state of the union, which in this case was a country named me, made up of all of my intricacies, desires, wants, and tendencies. Taking a step back, I had to really see if I had things all together. Had I accomplished, up to this point the things I promised I would? Had I truly changed things for the better within myself? What was my legacy so far? I answered these questions, and though I have accomplished some things, I was not as confident in the things I have done as my President was in his address. To be better, we have to first understand what it means to be better. Early on this year, thankfully, I learned to address the state of me without making my changes about everyone else. Now I can focus on being happy, healthy, and prosperous. I have reviewed and finished my State of Me address. Have you?
Get ready for the new years resolutions! Prepare for everyone telling you of all the great things they have planned for the new year. Many of these same people will be the ones who had the greatest plans for 2014, but many things were not accomplished. While it is great to make plans, there has to be a method of accomplishing those things we have planned. When I think over 2014, it was a rough year. Many of the plans I made did not come to fruition. Some of them because it was not yet time for them to be. Others because I did not create a method for making them come to pass. The rest of the plans I just “forgot” about when the path seemed too difficult. In 2014, there were many ups, and a lot of downs, and I wanted so many things. Alas, the new year is here and many things are left undone. I could wallow in self-pity. I could lament the fact that I missed out on so many things. I could even get depressed and swear off making any new years resolutions for 2015. I could do all of that, but I won’t. Instead of going to the extreme of not making any plans, I will ensure that the resolutions I make have plans behind them. Rather than just saying I want to be in good shape, I have decided to write out how I will be fit, what I will do, and when I will do it. Instead of just saying that I will publish my book, I have to create a plan for marketing, distribution, etc. 2014 was a year of just saying the things I wanted to happen. 2015 is the year of having those things actually come to pass beyond my words. So, bye-bye 2014, I will not miss you. There are many things I wish I had accomplished, but the year was not wasted. I learned many lessons. I dealt with many trials. 2014 left me better, not bitter. Bye, Bye 2014. Hello 2015. This year, words become few, but actions become greater. Bye, Bye 2014.