I have a blemish on my face, two actually, that every time I looked at them I used to feel so ugly. Now, I know everyone has something they don’t like about themselves, but these blemishes made me feel like that is all people could see when they looked at me. In pictures I’d try to angle my face so no one could see them. In person, I was also hypervigilant about what people were looking at when they looked at me. These blemishes slowly became my identity. In much the same way, the blemishes that people couldn’t see inside of me made me feel ugly, shamed, and made me build up walls to not let anyone in. I identified with the misery of being flawed, forgetting the perfection in being perfectly imperfect. When I look back, every scar I have has a memory-every single one of them from the inside out. I remember being called ugly and being made fun of in school, introducing scars of low self-esteem, hurt, and bitterness. I remember people walking away, introducing scars of distrust. I remember people saying they love me but using me, introducing scars of uncomfortability when people get too close. I remember being sent from foster home to foster home, introducing feelings of being unwanted and unlovable. I remember when that guy said he wanted to make me feel good and instead he robbed me of innocence, introducing scars of blaming myself for anything that goes wrong. Physically, I remember the jar that cut up my face, and the knife that punctured my arm and leg. I remember. But in that remembering, one thing holds true. I’m still here. Perfectly imperfect. Flawed, but beautiful. Necessary. My scars add character. They make me who I am, and gave me the tools to tackle my purpose in this world. Gather your battle scars, and wear them proudly. They make you the masterpiece that is you. Blessings.
I had an interesting conversation with someone earlier that really opened up my perspective and made me take a deeper look at myself. I was engaging in conversation with this particular person about some items I wanted to purchase from him. After a little back and forth, he said to me, seemingly out of the blue, “Why are you so demanding?” At first I was insulted, but then I responded with sometimes it’s necessary when you need to get things done. His response was to explain to me that what I referred to was assertiveness, not demanding. His question to me was relating to seeming snobbishness at times and possibly arrogance. He told me that perhaps it is a coping mechanism to keep people from getting too close. As I was listening to him, I wanted to deny what he said, but my maturity required me to listen for truth. As he spoke, I realized that unintentionally, I may have been exactly as he said. I may have erected walls behind a facade that kept people out, and at the same time kept me a prisoner behind the walls. I thanked him for talking to me about what he saw, and for helping me to see me from an outsider’s perspective. I remember a time when I would not have been able to do that. Before this time, I probably would have written off what he said as nonsense, and refused to acknowledge that there are some things I needed to work on. What he said was bitter, but the outcome was sweet. It made me be more aware of my behavior towards others. What walls have you erected that keep others out, and at the same time keep you bound? What things do you need to work on that are keeping you from getting to the next level in your life? What changes need to happen for you to be your best you? Embrace the bitter, and look forward to the sweet. You can only go further if you are willing to be and do the best that you can be and do. Now is a good time to look at yourself. Go on…I won’t judge…I will celebrate with you. 🙂
It’s a new year! All around me people are talking about what they have resolved to do in this new year. These goals range from exercising to beginning a business long forgotten. Some are focused on their failures from 2015, and trying to figure out how to succeed this year. Others are lost, knowing they want a change, but not knowing how to get started. Regardless, one thing is clear, there is work to do. Last year, our world saw the rise in violent crime, police brutality, racial tensions, stress from the economy, and so many other hard times. Many of us got sidetracked by these things, and lost sight of what we could do in our own little circles to change the world around us. We lost our passion and drive for accomplishing the things we have dreamed, and instead we laid things aside focused on everything else. For all of those who were disheartened, marginalized, hurt, let down, or disappointed, now is your time. You were created for such a time as this-to encourage, to motivate, to build up where things have been torn down. Now is the time for you to go after those dreams long forgotten. Someone is waiting on you to help them. Your passion and drive is for this time. So this year, go after it. Dream again. Accomplish and succeed. Exceed expectations. I believe in you.