Life Happens

From the Heart of Grace Waters…


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Fruitful Barrenness

I remember it like it was just yesterday…”you have PCOS…” Then, I remember as the doctor’s, year-after-year, told me that I would need medications to regulate everything. As time went on, doctor’s begin to talk about infertility. I watched them make faces each time they asked about birth control and I denied using any. They asked about how long I had been married, and they made more faces. I saw it in their faces before they told me it would be highly unlikely that I would be able to have children due to my condition. Then, my last doctor stopped returning my calls, letting me know there was nothing else she could do unless I opted for an experimental surgery that could possibly help. So, there I was, at the end of the line, or so I thought.

But during the journey, despite the heartache and struggles, in spite of watching so many others get what I so desperately desired, I was planting seeds. I encouraged others. I pushed others to believe. I wiped others’ tears. In the back of my mind I knew that even in my heartache, others still needed me to be who God created me to be. Slowly, I began to see the fruits of my labor. I saw people at the moment they chose to keep believing. I watched as others saw their dreams realized, and I rejoiced. Aching inside, I celebrated the fact that while my body appeared to barren, my spirit was alive and well. It was a daily battle, but one I chose not to lose.

Just as I remember the doctor’s telling me about the blemish in me, I remember the day I started feeling a bit “strange.” It was an uncanny feeling, and I took a pregnancy test more to rule out the possibility than to affirm it. To my surprise, what I had almost given up on had become a reality. Three more tests later, I finally believed. My body had rejected what the doctor’s told me.

Ten years later, I am finally seeing what was becoming a distant hope. This was a reaffirming moment, a necessary moment.

So, today I come to encourage you. Maybe you have some things you are believing will come to pass. Maybe the naysayers are more rampant than the encouragers. Keep believing even if the belief shrinks to just a glow in the corner of your heart. In the waiting season, sow into others. Be to others what you sometimes need people to be to you. In your barren place, be fruitful. Let your spirit flourish in the midst of. This is not the end.

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Spring Cleaning

It’s the first day of Spring, and it’s a gorgeous day! The sun is shining. The weather is warm. As I look around I see the flowers bursting in effusive color on the trees, and everything seems so much brighter. For some though, this first day of Spring is nothing more than a nuisance. It is a reminder of negative things that have occurred in the past. It is a time when the pollen count rises, and allergies run rampant. Even though the weather is warm, and color has taken over where before there was only gray and brown, not everyone is happy. Looking back a year ago, things were not so happy for me. I was still dealing with the residue of bad decisions made the year before. Things did not seem cheerful and happy. Instead each day seemed to blend into the next, and color did not register in my scope–all because of a bad decision. With this Spring coming up, it seems that the same negative emotions that I had passed through from last Spring tried to rise up and claim my attention again. Last Spring I saw the budding of beauty outside, but inside me it was a struggle to enjoy the beauty. As this Spring came about, I sensed a new excitement in me that I never had before. I almost looked forward to the time when Spring would inhabit the earth with its colors and sounds, and on the outside things were cheerful and bright. I knew that it would soon be time to clean my house, and get things in order. That’s what Spring is for. I took it a little further though, and I determined that as I cleaned up everything around me I would also clean up everything in me. That meant that the residue from past decisions needed to be completely cleansed. Any lingering thoughts or emotions that threatened to take me back to a low state had to be vanquished completely. Last night, on the brink of another Spring, I made up my mind that with this Spring cleaning I would spring forward–I would release myself from things that I held myself prisoner in. I would unlock my own chains, and sweep out the dirt until my insides gleamed like pure gold. That was last night. Today I stand a new person-a better person. What better way to start off my spring cleaning than to first start within myself? This transparency was just to encourage someone to start over new today. Get rid of old things that no longer matter. Release yourself from negativity, and from people who only know part of your struggle but none of your pain. This is a good time for you to learn to live again. Start cleaning!