Unconditional

As a mother, I really don’t like seeing my babies not feeling well. As irritable and inconsolable as they may be at the time, it is still my desire to make them feel better…to relieve the pain and “icky” feelings, even if it means putting myself at risk. One sickness after another has left me mentally and physically exhausted, but caring for my children made me consider some things, even when my own body has been under attack because I can’t avoid the germs.

As parents, it is almost intrinsic to love and care about someone else, often putting aside our own feelings and desires for the sake of others. While this can get too extreme where we begin losing ourselves, when it’s healthy, it’s pure. In my consideration, I have wondered if it is possible for humanity, in general, to take on love in such an altruistic way? Can we, at least eventually, learn to love one another and esteem others above ourselves?

As I look at the current situation with the Israel-Hamas conflict, and numerous other conflicts before this one, in my maybe somewhat naive consideration, I wonder if a type of unconditional love for our fellow man would translate to more peace? Now, I know the history with Israel-Hamas, the background, and theories, but I can’t help hoping that conflict is not the continuous answer to every misunderstanding or disagreement. Maybe I just want a world where perfection is not necessarily the case, but active love is the overarching sentiment.

…an oversimplified solution possibly…

Maybe I’m just too hopeful…

But, as I cradle my youngest baby who just wants to feel better, I pray for those in the conflict…for those who have lost and those who are lost…for the heaviness to lift, for those filled with anger and despair, hatred and heartache…for clarity and resolve…for bloodshed to cease…for those living in fear and worry…on either side…humanity…

I pray somewhere in the midst of it all that we can find love.

…and while words don’t solve the root of the problems, it’s a start.

Wash Day

Throughout my house I have posted encouraging quotes and inspirational sayings. You could say that I surround myself with uplifting words. A few days ago I happened to glance at my laundry room door. Now, I know what I put on it, and I have looked at it any number of times, but for some reason what was posted hit deeper that day. On the laundry door is posted, “It all comes out in the wash.”

Now, you may be confused and wondering what in the world I could have gotten from the saying, so I’ll share. 🤗

Life has a way of seemingly taking us through cycles. Sometimes we find our way out only to end up in another cycle. Physically we’re moving, but mentally we stay in the same mental cycles. We put on a great facade. Our surface is clean and tidy, but we don’t always put ourselves through the deep wash to get rid of those deep issues.

As I stared at the saying, it hit me that I too had gotten caught up in the cycles. Mentally I was suffering because I expected the same things to happen again and again. I forgot to expect more…to believe that the the cycle had to end. Instead of adjusting my mentality, I was allowing fear, experiences, doubt, and lack of self-confidence to dominate my reality. It’s almost like going through a wash cycle but not using laundry detergent. Things appear clean, but eventually smells seep through, and if put under a microscope, one would see the dirt lurking beneath the surface.

So, I had to take my mindset through a “wash day.” It started with sorting out the myriad of feelings, emotions, and thoughts that permeate my daily existence. Then I prepared my “machine” in the form of my heart to do the work…putting in the desire for better (laundry detergent), a bit of hope in better (fabric softener), the will to be better (bleach), and finally a remembrance of the times before when I’ve come out better (laundry crystals)…and I allowed the agitation of the process to function as necessary. On the other side is better. The process is the vehicle to that…

So, this is your reminder to start your “wash day.” Whatever that means, and whatever it takes, engage in the process. What’s at the end of this cycle has been waiting on you.

Still Worth the Wait

I truly anticipated Spring coming. I looked forward to the feeling of freshness and the signs of life all around me. I was excited about the flowers, the colors, and the warmth in the air. Spring has always been one of my favorite seasons. In my anticipation, I forgot to also acknowledge a not-so-great part of Spring that I always regret–the pollen count. As I considered all the great things to come, I allowed myself to forget that sometimes great things come with side effects that are not as palatable. Does that make Spring any less exciting for me? Not really; but my perspective can change everything.

It’s like that with life sometimes. We anticipate good things. We’re excited about what’s to come. Sometimes, we see things through rose-colored glasses, but when we’re confronted with less than ideal things in the midst of our expectation, we throw away the entire thing because it doesn’t completely appear like we expected; however, one negative doesn’t change what we have received, right? Aren’t we still living in what we were expecting? Does one thing negate the full experience? In some cases I understand that the magnitude of the unexpected negative may make us consider throwing it all away, but in most cases, what we’re facing is more of a speed bump than a brick wall. It’s how we choose to perceive and process which determines the outcome.

So, I don’t know what has dampened your expectation–what speed bump derailed your excitement–what was said or experienced that robbed you of your anticipation…but I challenge you to consider it in the bigger scheme of things. Renew your expectation. Anticipate again. What you have been looking forward to is STILL worth the wait.

Break Through

The season is shifting…yeah, I know…it still looks very much like winter for those of us in this time zone, but there is evidence of a shift. I have learned to look at all things to make sure I have the best perspective. Coming home from the gym, I glanced out at my yard, and I caught a glimpse of green. Now, all around the grass and foliage appeared dry and lifeless. There was not a lot of color to be seen. Winter had made its mark; however, in the midst of what appeared to be a lifeless situation, I saw green buds breaking through…

Not only were they breaking through, but they appeared to be thriving. This gave me hope. How can these things grow in an impossible situation? Well, they are meant to. The plants aren’t thinking about the fact that everything around them still appears lifeless. For them, it is time to show up and grow, so that is what they do. In their simplicity, they are beautiful. In their purpose, they are powerful.

As I see them, I am reminded that we too HAVE to grow. We HAVE to fulfill our purpose. Circumstances may not always be favorable. Life happens and doesn’t always play fair, but even in that, we CAN still function as we should. Don’t let your current situation stop you from “proving yourself wrong.” When it looks dismal, break through. When it appears that things just won’t work, break through. Whatever you do, function and thrive in where you are. Grow letting nothing stop you. Now is as good a time as any…

Life is Lifeing

Whew, let me tell you that life has been lifeing since I last wrote. There is so much going on for me personally, but also for many of those whom I love. In the midst of this thing called life, it’s easy to get overwhelmed. Sometimes so much is going on that we would rather not do anything at all. Relationships shifting. Big life changes. Personal mental health considerations. What do you do in the midst of it all?

I’d like to say that I have the all-encompassing answer for each of us. If I had that answer, I would be exorbitantly wealthy and everyone would be healthy, healed, and whole; unfortunately I don’t have THE answer to everyone’s problems, though I am working to assist others in their journey to wholeness. I do, however, have a suggestion. It’s simple. Maybe you’ve heard it before, but now is as good a time as any to remind you…

…keep standing. Life is going to happen. Things are going to shift. If you’re breathing, expect that things may never look the same from year-to-year, or even day-to-day. But, then I want you to remember each time you have come up against something difficult. Life was lifeing and you had no idea how things would turn out. Look back for that brief second. Now, come on back to the present. You may be changed because of it, but didn’t you survive and thrive past it?

So keep standing. The path may not be clear. There may be some debris in the way, but you can navigate this too. Keep standing.

Seasonal Shifts

As the seasons change, we make adjustments to embrace the changing weather. Many of us have pulled out our fall and winter clothes. Instead of flip-flops and shorts, we have fall sweaters and boots. Outside, nature shows us the shifting of the times as leaves turn color and begin falling from branches, and what was once a vibrant green shifts to browns and oranges. It’s natural. It’s normal. These are the times…

In keeping with the season change, my husband and I were in the yard recently preparing our yard for fall and winter…tilling the garden, pulling up weeds, trimming the bushes, etc. At some point we were separated as he worked on one part of the yard, and I worked on another. My task involved trimming our rose bushes. As I cut away the dead leaves and branches, and even trimmed off some of the flowers, it was cathartic. In some way, it relaxed me to do something seemingly mindless. When I was finished, I was proud of my work. The bushes were neat and even, and I felt accomplished; however, they also looked somewhat bare as all of the flowers and excess had been trimmed away. Then I looked down at my feet and saw the flowers mixed in with the dead leaves and branches, and a part of me got sad. Beautiful flowers and so much foliage lay waste on the ground. I knew it had to be done, but looking at it caused me momentary pause.

As I stared at my handiwork, I thought about how in recent times. I have felt like things have been “trimmed” away from me. When I had THE career, was out and about doing all of the things I used to do, I felt purposeful, full, necessary. Then, when my life changed and I no longer had THE career or all of the things I used to do, I felt empty and bare. After all, what am I but a combination of all of the things I used to do…the busyness, the need to be needed, the control…admittedly, those things gave me a sense of security, no matter how stressful it all was in the end.

So, on the other side of all of that, I have found myself feeling a bit lost, not having all the answers, feeling unnecessary and not needed. I told my husband how it felt like I no longer had purpose, and because it felt that no one really sees me, there was no point in “doing” in this seemingly empty place. Stripped bare from all of the things I used to rely on to give me meaning, I wallowed on the brink of depression, flirted with the thought of not being worth anything…yup, me, the encourager, struggling…

But, even in my sadness at seeing the rose bushes stripped bare, a thought came to me regarding the last time we trimmed the bushes. It looked just like after I cut them this time, but slowly, I noticed flowers coming back, and before I knew it, the flowers grew back bigger, fuller, more vibrant, and as if they were never cut down. So, as I stared down at the destruction around me, I thought to myself, “But, it won’t always look like this. After a while, there will be evidence of growth, and the bushes will flourish again.”

In that same token, so will I. So will you. We all go through seasons of feeling…not enough…but eventually life happens, and we begin to understand the lessons taught in those seasons. One thing that always holds true, no matter how dark the day, another day the sun will always come from behind the clouds. As this seasonal shift came with some not so perfect accessories, so will another season with just what we need. Embrace the shift, and be ready for what’s to come. Singing, ” the sun will come out tomorrow. Bet your bottom dollar, tomorrow…”

Work It

This first month of 2021 has indeed been something for the history books. Things have happened that we never could have imagined. Now, we stand in the “after” planning our next steps. Many of us may still carry the vestiges of left over disappointment from 2020, not expecting better, but hoping for no worse. We still rehearse what we did not accomplish, and we wonder if things will ever change. We’re in danger of repeating cycles…but we just can’t break loose. At least that is what our mind believes.

But, what if I were to tell you that it’s not too late? What if I could convince you that the power to change what has been is all in your hands? Would you listen? Maybe. Maybe not. But, walk with me a bit.

So, what you have been doing has not been working. Maybe you have tried and tried again, but the support is lacking…it seems no one understands your press…you’re at the give up point, but you just can’t make yourself throw in the towel…I get it. Been there. Picked up a souvenir, then found my way back to where I should be. But, it’s not always easy to push yourself to keep being, doing, functioning when the “fruit” on your proverbial tree is lacking. Even so, humor me will you…

…as I watched the events that have taken place this month…the tragedies, the uprisings, the bitterness, the strife, I had to intentionally refocus my attention to more productive thoughts. Then, on the inauguration day of our 46th President, while the ceremony was august and meaningful, I was enamored with the thoughts that arose from seeing two people on the world stage: Amanda Gorman and Eugene Goodman.

Prior to this month, many may have never known their names. Yet, these are two people who have been consistently doing what they are passionate about. Not always with recognition, but touching lives all the same. Then, this month, something shifted. They were each doing what they knew to do, and suddenly the world knew their names. I don’t know what doubts and fears they have fought, the times they wanted to quit, the self-doubt, or the hurt from feeling unnecessary or overlooked. I don’t know their private, tell no one, heartbreaking moments, but I do know that they showed up. Then, they were found being in the right place at the right time. Life for them has irrevocably shifted. It’s now their time.

This is what enamored me as I contemplated this month’s events. There is a time for me, for you, for all of us to “shine” in our own way. Life may not have been kind. We may be tired. We may not see the value in ourselves, but it only takes one moment to shift the very foundation of our existence. I don’t know about you, but when that “moment” comes, I don’t want to have regrets. I want to be able to know that I put in the work, I sacrificed, I gave, I pressed, so I can enjoy the moment. Whatever your “it” is, work it. Instead of having to get ready, be ready.

Today is just the beginning…

Growth in Adversity

Our world is in the grips of a pandemic unlike anything we have seen before. Shelter in Place orders have been sent. Curfews have been established. Restaurants and businesses are shuttering their doors, temporarily for some, but indefinitely for others. People are panicked and searching for answers. In the midst of a tumultuous time, our world could use a glimmer of hope. Every day, the media recounts the rising number of people affected by the Coronavirus. The news is often bleak and dismal. There seems to be no light at the end of a neverending tunnel. Stores have run out of essentials-bread, milk, eggs, and surprisingly enough, toilet paper. It reminds me of Charles Dickens novel “A Tale of Two Cities” in which he writes, “It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.”

As we look at all the negativity surrounding this pandemic, we see another narrative evolve; This narrative shows families coming together unintentionally for some much needed family time…married couples have a chance to reconnect…those of us who have big dreams that we put on the shelf have time to pursue the passions which life had begun to extinguish. That book…now, you can write it. That virtual class…now, you can take it. That teenage son or daughter you seem to always bump heads with…now, you can refresh your relationship. Yes, the extra time with family can get annoying or frustrating, and yes, too much of something CAN become a bad thing, but now we can pursue, reconnect, rediscover…a very bad virus is opening the door for some major rejuvenation in our society.

As I was leaving home one day to go to the grocery store for some essentials, I took a moment to look around at the stillness. No one else was outside. The air felt like it was holding its breath, but not in an unappealing way. I felt an expectancy, a hope, a promise for the future. I saw how the flowers were still blooming and the trees were beginning to show their colors…and still, the ground was opening up to yield the next flowers which will add color to the world…I saw us, the world, after this.

Things will be different. We will have to readjust to a world that was ravaged by an unexpected pandemic. Some will have to reconcile the loss of loved ones with the thought of continuing in a world without them. I’m sending prayers up for you. In all, however, the world will resume. Just as the flowers, trees, and bushes know to blossom every Spring, our world has the capability to heal and walk in the new awareness this pandemic brought to light. Don’t let this “opportunity” pass you by. Grow from this. Take advantage of it. Come out of this better, stronger, more loving and kind…you owe it to yourself, and a better you makes for a better world. Use wisdom. Be safe. Grow.

My Own Competition

Every year around this time, I find myself rewinding through the first half of the year. I think about the goals I set and the desires I contemplated, then I compare those things to the present. Each year, I tell myself that no matter what, I will be proud of my progress. Each year, even so, I have found myself disappointed when I haven’t accomplished what I set out to do. This year, as I meditated on the year so far, I saw a lot of places where I thought things would be different–places where I thought there would be more progress. I could get upset myself, OR I could choose to celebrate and push even harder for the rest of the year. Either way, I really am competing with myself to be better this time next year than I am today.

Sometimes we get caught in the trap of comparing ourselves to others. We use others as an excuse for why we are not better. Then we get caught up in the trap of complaining that things can’t get better because of others. I’m guilty of that. Some things depend on others, but in the end, us being better than where we are right now is totally dependent on us.

So, maybe you are at a place where you are replaying what has occured so far this year. Maybe you are disappointed. Maybe you don’t see how things can change. I get it. But, instead of staying stuck in that place, it’s time to challenge yourself and determine that by the end of THIS year, you will be proud of how far you have come. It starts with you.