Life Happens

From the Heart of Grace Waters…

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Speaking Into the Silence

Lately, I have been a bit discouraged. Yes, even me…the motivator, the one who encourages others, the one who always has positive things to say and pushes others out of their low moments, yes me…and it has been one of those times when only those who are closest to me, or those who cared to really pay attention, have known just how discouraged I have been. Built in to the discouragement has been hurt, disappointment, let downs, and being looked over–a convoluted concoction of negativity. It almost made me give up, not just “throwing in the towel”, but burning it to the point where the thought of doing what I am supposed to do does not rise again. At least, those were my thoughts. Even the most optimistic people get down when it seems support is overwhelmingly lacking, when it seems “everyone else” gets the attention you wished you could, or even when those you count on to be there when you need them have better things to do. We are definitely all human, and no matter your purpose/passion, you still have a heart that can be hurt. So, I contemplated giving everything up, figuring no one would miss what I have to say or what I do, and just when I got to that point of give up, I heard something within me say “Speak to the silence”.

My first thought after that was, “Why should I? What difference will it make?” But when I thought about it more, clarity began to come. I began to remember the times when I have literally thought I am writing, speaking, or advocating to myself due to the lack of response, but then from nowhere someone would comment or write to me telling me how something I said had touched their lives. I then began to remember the times that even writing down what I was feeling was cathartic for me and got me out of my feelings. From there, I thought about how many times I have not responded to something others have said or written, and how they too could be feeling like I have recently felt, but the fact was that their words had meant something because I remembered them. So, as I thought, I realized that while the silence can be deafening, there is still life in the silence. There are still listening ears and watching eyes in the silence. Lives can still be changed, and passions can be built just by me deciding to do what I am meant to–even when I feel unheard and unseen.

Maybe you have felt that you are unnecessary, or that your words mean nothing. As you look around, it seems others have support, but you are alone…and maybe if that is the case at the moment, know that you were built for this. Who you are and what you do is necessary for SOMEONE on this vast planet of ours, and if you stop speaking/writing/motivating/marketing/encouraging, you will miss your opportunity to put an imprint even on that ONE person’s life. I know the process is difficult. I understand wanting to be embraced and encouraged. I also understand wanting to just sink into the background not thinking you will be missed, but keep speaking even when the silence gets deafening. Keep being even when it costs everything within you to be. Keep believing when everything around you makes it seem that what you are believing in and for will never happen. As long as you are alive, there is a possibility of having everything your brilliant mind could ever imagine, so get back to speaking to the silence. One day, there won’t just be echos, but a response. Keep going.


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Matters of the Heart

Sometimes we let our heart get us in trouble. We allow our heart to rule over our mind, which sometimes causes us to make decisions that we would not otherwise make if we thought through the decisions first. I’m guilty of doing this. My heart is so big, and I want to love so much, that sometimes the consequences of me putting my heart into something only hit me after I’ve gotten too far in to back out. Then when I’ve come to a crossroads where I know I need to turn away, it hurts because I should have made that decision in the first place. What would happen if I decided, at the moment of decision, to go with my mind rather than my heart? Maybe things would be different. Now, by no means am I saying that we should never listen to our heart, but we have to know when to think logically. There are times when thinking logically can save a lot of trouble in the future. There are some, and I am one of them, who want so much to be there for people, and who feel some element of validation when people want you to be there for them; however, there has to be a balance because getting too involved with someone else’s things leaves one open and vulnerable-which can lead to voids –which can then lead to us seeking to fill those voids in ways that are not good for anyone involved. Sometimes we fail to realize that our heart is more than just muscle. Our heart circulates the blood in our bodies. It beats to tell us we are alive. Because the heart has all of these vital functions, it makes sense to guard the heart. In the same sense, our heart figuratively bleeds when we hurt. Why is it then that we allow anything and everything to contaminate the way our heart beats, and to interrupt the flow of its important functions? Admittedly, it’s easy to get “caught up” and be led by one’s heart, but we have to know the consequences of doing so, and decide if it is worth it to get “caught up”. I know that I will never stop making some decisions based on my heart, because that is what makes me who I am; however, I will be vigilant in deciding when a logical decision needs to be made because I understand the importance of keeping my heart clear and free of clutter. Take care of your heart.

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Mind Prisoner

Time for another transparent moment from Grace Waters…putting on my seatbelt, check. Checking my rearview mirror, check. Putting on my sunglasses, check. Putting the car in drive and not reverse, check. Ready to go. These last few weeks have been a time of intense contemplation and decision-making. I have been slightly annoyed because it has seemed as if I have reached a decision, then I will get a telephone call, text, etc, which causes me to begin the decision-making process all over again. It is like I was in a car ready to go until I got a text as I was pulling out, and I put the car back in reverse to go back to where I began to decide what my next step would be. For weeks it was this back and forth motion causing me to run low on gas and patience. A few days ago I realized just how low my gas tank was, and I understood that I could no longer vacillate back and forth between two decisions. I needed to make a decision and function accordingly. I made a hard choice. On one hand I had what I was used to and knew was good for me. On the other hand I had the unknown but promises of great things to come. I wanted both, but I knew that this is not how the world works. I chose what I already knew and was comfortable with, and what I knew was good for me versus the promises in the unknown. That had to have been one of the toughest decisions to make, but once I chose I stood by that decision. I understood that the decision had been so rough for me because I had allowed my mind to paint an image of so much greatness and splendor in the unknown that I had become dissatisfied with what I already had. My mind made my heart believe that I could finally be completely happy if I made the decision to jump out of my comfort zone into a place where promises were abundant. What my mind did not show me is that even in that other place I would have to deal with myself, which is the one thing that had been preventing my happiness in my present place. My mind held my body prisoner. Whatever crossed my mind is how I reacted, not realizing that I was allowing my prison to expand and encompass every aspect of my reality. When I understood that my mind held me prisoner, and that I had the set of keys for my release around my wrist the entire time, I had to decide whether I wanted to be free or if I wanted to believe that this prison that my mind created was better than my reality. I chose my reality because it was really the only choice to make. What my mind refused to allow me to see is that my reality is what I make of it. If I allow the picture to be painted of negativity, then that is what I see. If I open up my eyes, however, I will see the beauty in the midst of what may be deemed a barren landscape. We sometimes allow our minds to control our actions. By doing so we get ourselves caught up in places that we should not be. We lose track of ourselves, and we find ourselves prisoners of our own making. To live a free life and a happy life, we first have to learn that our mind should not dictate our heart. Instead, we control what our mind believes so that our mind cannot make us prisoner.