Believe

Here we are at the end of January. A new year. A year in which many of us started out believing for better…hoping for different…desiring more…each new year offering the opportunity for a fresh start. For some, there was an intentional watching of the clock as we waited for midnight to signal a new year. For others there was trepidation as a new year also brings uncertainty. Either way, we moved forward into a new year.

Now, we’ve had a chance to live in a new year, and I don’t know about you, but a new year also brought with it all the reminders of things I haven’t accomplished that were supposed to be done last year. It brought with it the remembrance of past failures, and things still in my secret closet I desire to come to pass. In full transparency, a new year, while exciting and welcomed by me, also reminded me that time is passing quickly and I am nowhere near where I want to be in my personal and professional life. Admitting that brings a sense of sadness and trepidation, but also a relief.

Relief? Yes, relief. “Why,” you ask. Well, because admitting it means it can’t hold me hostage. I can still believe. I can still pursue. It’s not over for me. As much as I wish things were different, I acknowledge that I have each day to change my story, starting with today.

So, maybe you’re feeling a way regarding things in your life. Maybe you wish you were further ahead, and the new year wasn’t necessarily something you looked forward to. Or, maybe you were excited about the new year, but life has thrown curveballs that you weren’t expecting. Whew, I feel you…

…BUT we get up from that place. I dare you to believe that you can still be everything you see within yourself, that you can still have what you desire, and know that it’s not too late for you until you refuse to keep trying. The first step is admitting where you are. The next step is planning for how you won’t stay there.

Say it with me. I choose to believe. I am more than my today. I believe.

Unconditional

As a mother, I really don’t like seeing my babies not feeling well. As irritable and inconsolable as they may be at the time, it is still my desire to make them feel better…to relieve the pain and “icky” feelings, even if it means putting myself at risk. One sickness after another has left me mentally and physically exhausted, but caring for my children made me consider some things, even when my own body has been under attack because I can’t avoid the germs.

As parents, it is almost intrinsic to love and care about someone else, often putting aside our own feelings and desires for the sake of others. While this can get too extreme where we begin losing ourselves, when it’s healthy, it’s pure. In my consideration, I have wondered if it is possible for humanity, in general, to take on love in such an altruistic way? Can we, at least eventually, learn to love one another and esteem others above ourselves?

As I look at the current situation with the Israel-Hamas conflict, and numerous other conflicts before this one, in my maybe somewhat naive consideration, I wonder if a type of unconditional love for our fellow man would translate to more peace? Now, I know the history with Israel-Hamas, the background, and theories, but I can’t help hoping that conflict is not the continuous answer to every misunderstanding or disagreement. Maybe I just want a world where perfection is not necessarily the case, but active love is the overarching sentiment.

…an oversimplified solution possibly…

Maybe I’m just too hopeful…

But, as I cradle my youngest baby who just wants to feel better, I pray for those in the conflict…for those who have lost and those who are lost…for the heaviness to lift, for those filled with anger and despair, hatred and heartache…for clarity and resolve…for bloodshed to cease…for those living in fear and worry…on either side…humanity…

I pray somewhere in the midst of it all that we can find love.

…and while words don’t solve the root of the problems, it’s a start.

Get the Tissue

Usually, my writing tells a story because that’s how inspiration comes to me…and today’s post, while short, is no different.

One day recently, in the midst of my daily routine, I used the last sheet of facial tissue. Slightly annoyed, admittedly, I used regular toilet tissue to blow my nose. In my head I knew I just needed to go ahead and replace the facial tissue because I would need it the same day; however, I just didn’t feel like it…going under the sink, moving things around, to finally get to the tissue. So, I told myself I’d get it later…but then I gave in and set in my mind to retrieve the tissue at that moment. So, I opened my cabinet, and of course, the FIRST thing in sight was the tissue I just knew I’d be inconvenienced to get. That is almost NEVER the case, but this time it was.

I grabbed the tissue and replaced the old box, and as I did so, all I could think was what I had set in my mind to be so inconvenient actually ended up being easy. So, maybe you have some things you’ve been putting off because it’s “out of the way, ” “inconvenient,” or you simply don’t want to do it, but I encourage you to jump out. It may not be as difficult as you’ve manifested in your mind it will be.

Grab the tissue…

Wash Day

Throughout my house I have posted encouraging quotes and inspirational sayings. You could say that I surround myself with uplifting words. A few days ago I happened to glance at my laundry room door. Now, I know what I put on it, and I have looked at it any number of times, but for some reason what was posted hit deeper that day. On the laundry door is posted, “It all comes out in the wash.”

Now, you may be confused and wondering what in the world I could have gotten from the saying, so I’ll share. 🤗

Life has a way of seemingly taking us through cycles. Sometimes we find our way out only to end up in another cycle. Physically we’re moving, but mentally we stay in the same mental cycles. We put on a great facade. Our surface is clean and tidy, but we don’t always put ourselves through the deep wash to get rid of those deep issues.

As I stared at the saying, it hit me that I too had gotten caught up in the cycles. Mentally I was suffering because I expected the same things to happen again and again. I forgot to expect more…to believe that the the cycle had to end. Instead of adjusting my mentality, I was allowing fear, experiences, doubt, and lack of self-confidence to dominate my reality. It’s almost like going through a wash cycle but not using laundry detergent. Things appear clean, but eventually smells seep through, and if put under a microscope, one would see the dirt lurking beneath the surface.

So, I had to take my mindset through a “wash day.” It started with sorting out the myriad of feelings, emotions, and thoughts that permeate my daily existence. Then I prepared my “machine” in the form of my heart to do the work…putting in the desire for better (laundry detergent), a bit of hope in better (fabric softener), the will to be better (bleach), and finally a remembrance of the times before when I’ve come out better (laundry crystals)…and I allowed the agitation of the process to function as necessary. On the other side is better. The process is the vehicle to that…

So, this is your reminder to start your “wash day.” Whatever that means, and whatever it takes, engage in the process. What’s at the end of this cycle has been waiting on you.

Work to Do

A little over a month ago, I lay in a hospital bed unsure of whether I would make it.. no control of my body…physically exhausted…scared…no real explanation for my condition, but knowing it was dire because of how the doctor was speaking to those around me. All I could do was pray…and believe…

…and guess what? I’m still here. Things aren’t perfect. Life is still happening, but that’s how it is, right? We never know how something may shift, but eventually we look back and realize that we’ve made it to the other side.

So, whatever you’re facing, I believe with you that you’ll make it to the other side…and you won’t JUST make it, but you’ll THRIVE and encourage others because of your press.

So, keep going. We’ve got work to do.

Honesty…

I am NOT ok. Whew. That statement is scary. It makes me vulnerable…makes me feel weak…less than.. BUT it’s the truth. Especially for me…someone who prides myself on being able to encourage and uplift…motivate…inspire. I haven’t been ok. Instead of acknowledging this fact, I have spent time trying to convince myself that “this too shall pass,” and while this moment WILL pass, honesty in the present is just as crucial for healing in the future.

See, I knew my hormones were all over the place as we were in process of expecting our final baby. Life was lifeing, and so much was unsure, but I figured the birth of baby boy would even me back out. Everything would right itself. All would be just as it should be again. That’s what I thought. The initial euphoric feelings after birth soon gave way to uncertainty…then sadness…then feeling as if my life would only ever be that of “mom.” Every accomplishment I had to this point washed down the drain and rendered void…because how could I effectively be ALL the things I felt were in me with three lives to look after? I didn’t FEEL like doing things to even plan for a future after my official maternity leave. Alone moments found me welling up in tears, feeling such a deep sense of loneliness…unhappy…ugh, who was this ugly, unappealing, uninspiring person I saw looking back at me? What did I still have to offer besides being mom of three? I was spiraling, seemingly out of control…but, one day, I got up…

…and not only did I get up, but I put on real clothes, fixed my hair, put on earrings, and even sprayed some perfume. One day, I felt myself clawing my way back…not to what was, but to a new and better me…one only improved by the added badge of honor of being a mom times three. One day at a time, I have begun to find my way. I am not ashamed anymore that I even fell into such a low place. I’m more ashamed that society sometimes makes it seem that being low means you’ve failed. No, being in a low place makes you human. But, it’s the totality of the journey that makes this human experience worth it.

Now, life is not perfect. I know low times may come again…BUT, I also know that I can make it out of them each and every time. There’s always something worth fighting for. We just have to make sure that we start with realizing that honesty with ourselves matters most, and WE are that something always worth the fight.

So, we press…

Still Worth the Wait

I truly anticipated Spring coming. I looked forward to the feeling of freshness and the signs of life all around me. I was excited about the flowers, the colors, and the warmth in the air. Spring has always been one of my favorite seasons. In my anticipation, I forgot to also acknowledge a not-so-great part of Spring that I always regret–the pollen count. As I considered all the great things to come, I allowed myself to forget that sometimes great things come with side effects that are not as palatable. Does that make Spring any less exciting for me? Not really; but my perspective can change everything.

It’s like that with life sometimes. We anticipate good things. We’re excited about what’s to come. Sometimes, we see things through rose-colored glasses, but when we’re confronted with less than ideal things in the midst of our expectation, we throw away the entire thing because it doesn’t completely appear like we expected; however, one negative doesn’t change what we have received, right? Aren’t we still living in what we were expecting? Does one thing negate the full experience? In some cases I understand that the magnitude of the unexpected negative may make us consider throwing it all away, but in most cases, what we’re facing is more of a speed bump than a brick wall. It’s how we choose to perceive and process which determines the outcome.

So, I don’t know what has dampened your expectation–what speed bump derailed your excitement–what was said or experienced that robbed you of your anticipation…but I challenge you to consider it in the bigger scheme of things. Renew your expectation. Anticipate again. What you have been looking forward to is STILL worth the wait.

Break Through

The season is shifting…yeah, I know…it still looks very much like winter for those of us in this time zone, but there is evidence of a shift. I have learned to look at all things to make sure I have the best perspective. Coming home from the gym, I glanced out at my yard, and I caught a glimpse of green. Now, all around the grass and foliage appeared dry and lifeless. There was not a lot of color to be seen. Winter had made its mark; however, in the midst of what appeared to be a lifeless situation, I saw green buds breaking through…

Not only were they breaking through, but they appeared to be thriving. This gave me hope. How can these things grow in an impossible situation? Well, they are meant to. The plants aren’t thinking about the fact that everything around them still appears lifeless. For them, it is time to show up and grow, so that is what they do. In their simplicity, they are beautiful. In their purpose, they are powerful.

As I see them, I am reminded that we too HAVE to grow. We HAVE to fulfill our purpose. Circumstances may not always be favorable. Life happens and doesn’t always play fair, but even in that, we CAN still function as we should. Don’t let your current situation stop you from “proving yourself wrong.” When it looks dismal, break through. When it appears that things just won’t work, break through. Whatever you do, function and thrive in where you are. Grow letting nothing stop you. Now is as good a time as any…

Just Keep Living

We just came through a season of Thanksgiving…a time when we were reminded of everything we have to be grateful for and excited regarding. High hopes. Big dreams. Joy. But, almost sneakily, those feelings can give way to depression and fear, uncertainty, sadness, as we anticipate the ending of one year and the approaching of another.

For many, we begin to think about all of the things we haven’t accomplished, those New Year resolutions that didn’t quite work, and those lofty plans we made that never came to fruition. In a time of Christmas cheer and glad tidings, some of us succumb to mental unrest and self-pity as we anticipate another year in which we ended it still not having seen the things we hoped for.

But, as sad as it is to see what you’ve envisioned not quite happening, instead of allowing yourself to get down on yourself and lament those not yet realized ideals, remember that as long as you wake up with breath in your body, it is another opportunity to move one step closer to where you need to be. Just keep living. Eventually, life has a way of bringing things full circle–all of a sudden it will all shift into place–it will look like what you’ve dreamed, and all because you chose to keep living.

Don’t give up now.

Change of Perspective

To relax my mind at the end of the night, I sometimes watch something that doesn’t require me to think too deeply, or I play a game on my phone…I wind down so that my thoughts don’t keep me engaged all night. Last night, I played a game that requires me to color in a picture by number. It is mindless, but oddly satisfying as you watch the picture coming together. As I filled in the numbers, I found that some spaces seemed too difficult to find, but if I adjusted my view, sometimes those same places became clear. This happened each time I was struggling to find a space.

This made me consider how life can be so similar. Sometimes we get stuck in situations, and we can’t seem to find the missing piece to the puzzle. Maybe things aren’t making sense, or what we’re looking for just hasn’t been made clear. Often, if we just shift our perspective on the situation, things seem more clear. Sometimes we find the missing piece. Other times, we find what we need to fill in the space. Ultimately, we find that with a perspective shift, everything we needed was already in place, but we had to adjust to see the full picture.

So, maybe you’re in a place of uncertainty, somewhere you have never experienced before. That’s a scary place. Oh, how I know; but what I don’t want you to do is talk yourself out of being free and unintentionally deciding not to jump into what’s next for you. Just tilt your head a little, shift how you’re considering your situation, and watch things begin to make a bit more sense. Shift.